rekindled spirit

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we planted an apple tree for her in our garden then had birthday cake and fighting tears we sang happy birthday to her as the breeze blew out the candles one at a time- just as she would have done it.  it is with sore hearts that we celebrate our sunshine’s fourth birthday today.  

she had a thrilling way of being wonderful. she had so much love to give- so beautiful inside and out, so very special. you see, at her very young age, she had a soul more beautiful than any that i have ever known. she was kind, considerate and respectful as she surprisingly often asked permission if she could do something. and she was funny. she would crack herself up laughing all the time and us too. she loved books. her intelligence amazed us when she began reciting at the age of two from memory wilhelm busch poems that her papa read to  her every night. every night she knew exactly what she wanted to hear. if it was a story from one of her anthologies, she said what she wanted read to her then knew exactly where to find it.  although not uncommon for someone like her that is born into two languages, it was amazing for us to witness her understand everything i said in english while she always answered in german. she loved to dance and when she would sing, i would tell her how beautiful her voice is so that she would sing some more. it was breathtaking. i could never help but smile from ear to ear.

when i think about her last months, i realize how bravely she endured so much and clearly fought so hard to live. we, my husband and i know now the delicate balanced involved, the exquisite beauty and love that can exist in an instant of breath, in one solitary glance. her memory and these remembered expeiences do give us strength and faith to understand that she chose us as her parents for a reason. we are forever changed, and without question better people to know her.  she had a passion for life.  she wanted to learn everything. she loved challenges. she wanted to play guitar, piano, she loved to paint, and most of all, she was eager help in the kitchen. the other thing i realized is that she had incredible memory. she recalled people, places, events- she would talk about when this happened or when so and so did or when we were…..it is astonishing.   

she had dreams, she had wishes, we had plans. she wanted a really, really, big swing so she could swing into the clouds like heidi. she couldn’t wait to go back to kindergarten and see all of her friends again. she wanted a garden birthday party again this year, this time only pink balloons. she was excited to attend ski kindergarten for the first time this winter. she would have been old enough to go to musikgarten as a graduate of the mommy and me group and was beside herself with joy that her little friend marlene would to join her too. she wished her brother could go with her to kindergarten- they share a love that i enjoy knowing.

it breaks my heart to talk about her in past tense- as crazy as it may sound, i often try not to do it.  we think of her every single hour of every day, she is so deeply missed and will never, ever be forgotten. happy birthday our sunshine, our little angel.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 31st, 2008 at 9:32 pm and is filed under ~~sophia, our sunshine~~.