wish garden sage

my conviction that nothing is accidental, that everything happens for a reason, every chance encounter, meeting, event, has its purpose was shattered on the day that our daughter sophia died.

i have had moments when everything made perfect sense to me but what i know for certain is that losing her will never equal any measure of, nor be worthy of any lessons that i may learn from it.

we have always spent most of our free time, weekends, even vacations hiking in the woods or mountains and this last year, the wonder that graces the great outdoors has reaffirmed itself. nature, without any doubt is a powerful healer.

my family and i have found solace basking in sunshine, breathing fresh air, and walking on the earth among flowers, plants, and trees. it has eased our minds and invigorated our bodies.  

there is hope and promise in nature. i was inspired by the melting snow that grew streams and rivers in the spring, bringing life and love in budding leaves.  i enjoyed the many colored flowers, and fruits of summer, and now the gifts of harvest in autumn, and looking forward to ushering in holiday cheer in winter.

clear negative energy with homemade smudge sticks

there is also the chance meeting a few years ago that has grown into a deep friendship.  when i met jolanthe berieter, she told me that her oldest child had recently died in a tragic accident.  i was first shocked, then struck by the manner in which she carried herself; strong and peaceful.

still, when our sophia died, i never imagined that  jolanthe would be the one to rescue me from drowning  into my darkest hours.  when i first met her, i would have never guessed that she would one day save my life, changing it forever.  

a year ago this week i started practicing pranic healing after attending one of her seminars (birthday gift from my dear husband). 

 jolanthe has taught and encouraged both my husband and i to allow ourselves to live again and to do it with spirituality that is inspired by consciousness and health. 

i am profoundly grateful to call  jolanthe a friend.

so you see, my faith in the notion that everything happens for a reason has made momentary appearences in my heart-  always slipping away as quickly as it comes, but leaving me feeling that it is a possibility, even hoping that it just might be slowly restored.

09.09.2009: 37, inspired, & pregnant

we arrived in texas on the eve of my birthday and i rang in my 37th year surrounded by all of my family. my adorable cousins (who are all young enough to be my kids), aunts, uncles, parents and of course, bethel, the sweetest sister in the world. 

i was moved to tears, humbled,  to be so genorously celebrated by their warmth, love, and laughter.

being home was healing and good for me in so many ways.  i feel a wholeness and a heightened awareness of how we can be uplifted, our lives enriched by others. for me, it is an undeniable reminder that love cures.

i did. absentee voting was easy- and because they didn’t send me the sticker, i had one made- courtesy of my friend claudia. i even had a t-shirt made because it was too late to order one- i am proud to be an obamamama 

november is create every day month- get more info here.

we are all so much alike, yet we can be so certain we’re different. the better we understand they ways that we are the same, the easier it is to make friends with someone new. and it is through friends that we grow and become strengthened. that’s kent in the middle, our new friend from my home state of texas- and no, that is not all we have in common.

surprise in the mail today- all the way from texas. i hope yaya who sent this beautiful gesture of love and her family are safe this evening

i have never lost anyone so close to me before and for so many days i did not know how to take my next breath or even live to see the next day. it is with the help of friends and family that we are having  bearable days. it is a relief but the relief itself comes still with a void in my very core and it’s okay if it never goes away.

i have been trying to find words to express how it feels to be surrounded with so much love. it is deeply touching to know that we are not alone. our neighbors, friends, family- everyone near and far is grieving with us, thinking of us, and praying for us.

i am grateful for every email, card, letter, and call we have recieved to comfort, every offer to just say what can be done to help us. i am grateful for my friends that take me along to walk their dogs in the evenings, out for ice-cream, coffee, brunch, and send emails to just let me know that they are thinking of me. i am grateful for the care package from sun’s kindergarten with handmade candles, precious stones, and drawings of her ascending into heaven- in one where she is covered in gold. i am grateful for her little friends who are a constant reminder of her and the ones who still come over and play with the moon just like she played with him everyday. i am ever so grateful for the moon who makes us laugh until we cry at unexpected moments.

and i am truly grateful for all our friends and family- thank you, thank you for the outpour of support that has carried us through this tragedy, our difficult time.

on my 36th birthday

our gratitude is heartfelt- to be home again feels soooo good. we sincerely thank all of you for your kind words (all emails and telephone calls which I apologize have not yet been returned) of encouragement, positive thoughts, and prayers during our diffuct time- our spirits were uplifted and faiths strengthened- we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. our sun is genuinely shining!!!

more wonderful news to share in the coming days…….

photo courtesy of frau endres-  taken  on january 31st, 2008- kindergarten fasnacht celebration.  the theme was ” farmers’market “ she was a flower girl and the moon a farmer.

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wir fühlen dankbarkeit von ganzem herzen - wieder zuhause zu sein ist soooo gut. dir danken euch allen für eure lieben worte der ermutigung, eure positiven gedanken und gebete in dieser für uns so schweren zeit. unser lebensmut und unseren glauben wurde dadurch wirklich gestärkt. vielen dank aus tiefstem herzen.  unsere sonne scheint wirklich!!!

noch mehr gute nachrichten in den kommenden tagen…….

 foto aufgenommen von frau endres- am 31 januar, 2008 bei der fasnet  feir . das theme war “baurnmarkt” und sie war ein blumen madchen und er ein bauernburche.

…….to read more about the sun’s kindergarten fasnacht celebration in january and how proud she was (more…)

we enjoyed ourselves celebrating thanksgiving last saturday, a little early due to conflict in schedules.  two things to be grateful for: good friends and good food. 

thank you beate and helmut for your pleasurable company, enchanting stories, and all the special treats you brought along!

there is nothing greater that i am thankful for than my fortune of sharing this sweet, amazing, wonderful life with the sun, the moon, and thomas aka my tall, dark, and handsome who is celebrating a birthday tomorrow.

i wish all of you peace of mind, joy in your hearts and a very happy thanksgiving!

the highlight of my week: receiving mail art from somepinkflowers!!!

i did not expect this at all so it made the recieving even sweeter. thank you from the bottom of my heart somepinkflowers, you made me and my heart smile so very big!!!

if you have not yet discovered this witty, funny, unbelievably entertaining, fantastic 21st century writer and photographer called somepinkflowers, please go here and treat yourself. be amused, get some pleasure, learn something new,  or better yet form new opinions of your own.  you will for sure smile (i often laugh out loud), sometimes maybe cry or even both! you will love it ! you will love her!

there is a mini rose vine/bush in my gift garden that i inherited from the lady of the house before me.  aside from the marigolds, it is the only thing still alive and kicking out there in the cold and sometimes freezing weather. i was happy to see it doing well as i thought it was fitting to use it to show you her wonderful photography and my mail art.  fitting because it was never really my favorite until it started to remind me of somepinkflowers everytime i walked by it.  really does! i say to myself, there are my somepinkflowers!

somepinkflowers photography/greeting cards, also featured at stolen moments

fan deck palette of photos from somepinkflowers photography

teabag holder and saint augustine postcard from the lightner museum

my personal spf greeting card inserted in my new favorite purse which i will wear on on my hot date out with my honey tomorrow night!!!!

angel card: 

the lightning and thunder, 

they go and they come;

but the stars and the mystery

are always at home.

-george mcdonald