we were in the center of uberlingen. i had just picked up a letter from my doctor’s office and we were on our way to pick up bodensee apples to take to her team of doctors and nurses at a hospital in munich- it’s name will go unmentioned for now. she was released from this so called prominent medical center just thirteen days before- she had a follow up check up there the very next day.

i drove approximately 50 meters away from my doctor’s office when she started shrieking like i’ve never heard her before. i immediately stopped the car and went to her in the back. i cannot talk or write about what happened from that moment until help arrived. she died on the way to a local hospital although they gave up on rescuing her fifteen minutes after she arrived there and was then pronounced dead.

we have learned that she had a violent seizure from which she could not recover. i have been saying until now that she started dying in my arms but the truth is she had been dying for months according to the pathologist.

a supposed internationally renowned german hospital where she spent over four months sent us home with her dying and a slap in the face- slew of manipulated data and altered information on her release forms.

they failed, i believe on purpose to exclude a fatal disease. how can an entire team of medical specialists ignore to diagnose endocarditis after a patient has had a cv line in for over eight weeks???

sophia had full blown endocarditis that ate up her pulmonary valve, spread through her heart forming abscess in the cavity between her heart and lungs, through her lungs and into her bloodstream.

as if overwhelming grief and sadness isn’t enough, we are filled with rage and anger knowing her death could have been prevented. we are devastated and do not know how to overcome our loss- and what a loss. it is all we can do to function for our little boy, to help heal him for he too is damaged from his loss.

my husband told me the other night to please make sure that i let him die at home if ever he is sick. he said he would rather die than have these doctors play and experiment with his life like they did to our sophia. our faith in the german healthcare system is shattered. what happened to her, everything we saw, what was said to us, how she and we were treated we will tell in good time. no amount of money interests us- money will not bring her back and to not tell our story would mean she died in vain. we want every parent that considers to put their child’s life in the hands of these doctors at this hospital to know what happened to our sophia that they can make a better decision than we did- that they avoid making the mistake we made. 

it has been difficult to remember our sophia the way she was before we took her to this so called reputable health institution last february. i haven’t slept a full night for over six months and now that she’s gone i stay up all night thinking of everything she said and did when she was in that hospital. i cannot get off my mind her last four months. she cried so much from fear and pain- she was traumatized and with no doubt in my mind, i knew she would never be the same again. we were all so happy and relieved to be home with her- our biggest problem when we got home was how to heal her from everything she had experienced in her last four months- and we were ready to do it.

we are in austria. we have returned to montafon the mountain ranges in the alps that sophia fell in love with last year. all she talked about ever since we left here is how she wanted to go back to den bergen, the mountains. she especially loved the little village of gargellen, snug between a valley at 1423 meters and up on a mountain at 1966 meters. we were astounded at how perfectly she pronounced gargellen. i think she fell in love with it because it looked like the village where heidi lived with her opa.

oh how she fell in love with the mountains. she would run up ahead on a hiking trail, spot a rock, figure out a way to climb it and sit there waiting for us to catch up. then she would call out mach ein foto! take a picture!  and instantly flash a beautiful smile. she had always loved wild berries and when she would find some on the side of a mountain, we were immediately ordered to stop and take a break until she picked and ate as many as she wanted. exhausted at the end of each day, she and her brother without conflict or disturbance fell asleep soundly in the same bed in a room attached to ours- we were grateful and amazed- it was the first time they shared a room.

we have been desperate for memories of her. we have come here to remember her- to remember her the way she was before she we took her to that hell of a hospital. when we have been out hiking the last several days, i feel her walking beside us, in front of us, or tagging along behind. every now and then, i look to my side, up ahead, or turn to look behind. i whisper to her softly are you here? are you really here sophia? i get a warm feeling all over and can’t help but smile to myself for i really do feel her. i know she is with us. i know that she is always with us.

 31.08.2004-06.24.2008

on the 24th of june, the day of st. john sophia’s guardian angel said:
“dear sophia, on this solstice day, as that the sun is rising through the highest path in the sky, god spoke to me and said: take sophia’s hand and guide her across the sun’s arch back into heaven.”
and so it happened.
all the butterflies, bees, bumblebees, and lady bugs accompanied sophia as she ascended into heaven. the angles danced in the air and the nymphs revived the water of all seas, rivers, the trees, every mountain and meadows. and all living beings were surrounding Sophia.

am 24. juni, am johannitag sprach sophias schutzengel:
„liebe sophia, am heutigen tag der sonnenwende, da wo die sonne ihre höchste bahn am himmel zieht, sagete der liebe gott zu mir: nimm Sophia an der hand und bring sie auf dem sonnenbogen wieder zurück in den himmel.“
und so geschah es.
und die schmetterlinge, die bienen und hummelbärchen, und käferlein begleiteten sophia auf ihrer himmelsreise. die engelein tanzten in der luft und die nympfen belebten das wasser der meere, der fluesse, die baeume, alle berge und felder. und alle lebewesen waren um sophia herum.

the words of frau lut lernout to our son, my husband, and i. our sunshine is gone. we are so sad. we are so broken.

our gratitude is heartfelt- to be home again feels soooo good. we sincerely thank all of you for your kind words (all emails and telephone calls which I apologize have not yet been returned) of encouragement, positive thoughts, and prayers during our diffuct time- our spirits were uplifted and faiths strengthened- we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. our sun is genuinely shining!!!

more wonderful news to share in the coming days…….

photo courtesy of frau endres-  taken  on january 31st, 2008- kindergarten fasnacht celebration.  the theme was ” farmers’market “ she was a flower girl and the moon a farmer.

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wir fühlen dankbarkeit von ganzem herzen - wieder zuhause zu sein ist soooo gut. dir danken euch allen für eure lieben worte der ermutigung, eure positiven gedanken und gebete in dieser für uns so schweren zeit. unser lebensmut und unseren glauben wurde dadurch wirklich gestärkt. vielen dank aus tiefstem herzen.  unsere sonne scheint wirklich!!!

noch mehr gute nachrichten in den kommenden tagen…….

 foto aufgenommen von frau endres- am 31 januar, 2008 bei der fasnet  feir . das theme war “baurnmarkt” und sie war ein blumen madchen und er ein bauernburche.

…….to read more about the sun’s kindergarten fasnacht celebration in january and how proud she was (more…)

her golden spirit has gently made us understand

that even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness that the word “happiness” would lose it’s meaning if it were not balanced by sadness

and bestowed a precious gift - gift of knowledge that love grows , it grows to expand your soul, love grows

created especially for the sun- our sweet daughter- visit the rest of the polar festival attendees here or here- have fun!

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i’ll be back in spring

i will be away with access to email- goodbye for the winter.

suprise fresh snow this week after weeks of this - just in time for the moon’s birthday- perfect for a walk that lifted our spirits -

just in time for a polar festival over at be.dream.&.play - in eb’s words: create whatever comes most naturally to you -  a photo, a journal page, a painting, a story, a poem… whatever you would like to share...get more details here

a big smile, a huge hug and a thank you to dear amy (check out her wednesday whispers this week)- she awarded me the you cheer me up award last week - she perhaps has no idea that she puts a smile on my face everytime i’m over at petticoatlane- so i am re-awarding it to her and to steph, constance, corey, melanie, somepinkflowers, and the original snow queen herself eb! thank you to all of you for being genuine-for being who you are- it cheers me up!!!!

a very happy birthday to the birthday club and our sweet boy- over the weekend short, dark, and handsome also known as the moon turned 2 along with  the birthday club-  we hornored him  with a birthday brunch, a birthday walk, and wienerle, his favorite food for dinner- we then joined the birthday club for our annual celebration.

to spread love around the world, lisa oceandreamer, is hosting the 2nd annual one world- one heart giveaway today. each participant is offering up something to give away- something handmade, something special you don’t want to keep anymore, or even a charity donation in the winner’s name- all you have to do to win is leave a comment here and at all the other participants/blogs who have fabulous things to giveaway- the list is here

”chocolate doesn’t make the world go around … but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile”- anonymous

i am offering 3 pieces of delicious chocolate bars- a german, an austrian, and a swiss (not pictured above)-  click here  check out what else there is to win- have fun!!!

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my giveaway contest is closed. it is not fair and not very nice to do this without warning but i will not be available after today- feb 10th in order to announce on the 14th- i apologize. 

at 91 comments i decided to pick 2 winners instead of one which i did using a random number generator that my darling husband programmed for me-  : )

the winners are number 9 and number 73!

congratulations to angie of quillysillys vintage paper boutique (too funny, she lives in my home state of texas) and melissa of altered faireys -   i will leave you with this quote- i wish i could remember who said it-

strength is breaking a chocolate bar into four squares and eating just one

enjoy your chocolate bars ladies!

it is fasnacht season or carnival. a strange combination of mardi gras- everyone is out parading and partying on the streets and halloween because they wear scary masks and costumes

fasnacht season officially begins on 11.11. at 11.11 pm- and is celebrated at it’s height after the new year

every weekend until dirty thursday all the villages or towns in the area take turns hosting parades and all the neighboring villages attend wearing their representative masks-  made out of wood and usually a witch or an imaginary animal of some sort 

 spectators dress in costumes and or funny clothes and are  often victims of tricks- i got confetti not thrown- but poured on my head a few times and thomas had his shoe laces stolen-

they parade down the streets dancing, throwing candy at children, and sometimes performing circus acts- not only is this celebration a time of indulgence before lent

but also to scare and ward off evil spirits and rush the winter out in order to usher in spring

 work of the sun                                              and the moon

here are some staying warm inside fireside creations- i present the first of the winter 2007-2008 masterpieces by the sun and the moon.

and……… 

better late, than never- i was tagged by somepinkflowers a couple several weeks ago and never got around to it- but i did not forget! here are my answers

four jobs i have had

i waited tables- which was a lotof fun- not to mention the biggest lesson: how to treat your waiter/ess. everyone should wait tables at least once in their life!

i then was a kindergarten teacher’s assistant until

i landed a research analyst position at an executive search firm where i conducted corporate research and did the foot work for recruiters

which propelled me into a technical recruiting career throughout the nineties until we started our family

today i employ myself- i provide new business development and marketing communication services in english. i incorporated myself last october and started the new year with 3 clients- not bad for a one woman show!

four places i have lived

dallas, tx

athens, greece

jeddah, saudi arabia

asmara, eritrea

four favorite foods

pico de gallo. that’s all i can think of right now- probably because it’s hard to get your hands on fresh cilantro in the winter here.

four places i have been on holiday

montafon, austria

south tyrol, italy

guadelupe mountains national park, tx

ocho rios, jamaica

four places i would rather be

nowhere. there is absolutely nowhere that i would rather be!

i am tagging traute, over at spirit’s soap art and amy at petticoatlane

it is christmas day today in eritrea (also in russia and greece- or anywhere coptic/greek orthodox is practiced).  although for operational and business purposes the julian calendar is used, christmas is celebrated on january the 7th becuase the coptic or greek orthodox follow the gregorian calendar to mark holy days.

my family like the majority of eritrean christians is coptic orthodox and observes both christmas days. this perhaps is because eritrea is a former italian colony and the 25th was recognized as christmas and a holy day during the colonization (when my parents were children) and the fact that almost all of my life we lived where christmas was celebrated on the 25th of december.  we have a family dinner and exchange gifts on december 25th and celebrate january 7th by cooking lamb and gathering for a traditional eritrean feast.  

two christmases was confusing for me as a child. i never knew how to explain it to my friends until i was old enough to understand the difference between the gregorian and julian calendars. my mother always joked and told me that we celebrated on the 7th of january because it took them two extra weeks to come tell us in africa that jesus christ was born- it made me giggle everytime !

merry christmas once again!!!